wickedjr89 life, mental health, transgender

Two months on T (Testosterone) and Mental Health

My one month on T update blog post is Here which goes more in-depth on some things.

It’s been 2 months on T for me today! Just last week I finally had an appointment with an endocrinologist, who is trans friendly and see trans patients! I had blood work done. Right now it’ll be a couple months before I can switch to getting my T from Plume to my endocrinologist, I still have to get a gender dysphoria letter from my therapist (and I need another month before I can do that) and to see my new ob/gyn which my appointment isn’t until May 26th, but the new gyn apparently specializes in trans health care (and is part of Penn medicine, where I go to a lot because I was born with vacterl association).

So right now i’m waiting for Plume to respond as I just sent them my blood work, no idea if they’ll take that or if i’ll have to get more in a month from them specifically. My endo said i’ll need an estrogen blocker, and my blood work shows that. From what i’ve gathered (internet searching) it looks like my estrogen is still in the female range (and my endo said that’ll prevent me from getting the full effects of T) and my T is in the very low male range (which surprises me it got that high as i’m only on one pump of Gel to start with). My estradiol (estrogen) is 85.1 and my testosterone is 378 and my Free testosterone(Direct) is 15.8. I’m not 100% sure what it all means, but that’s what doctors are for.

Not sure how high I should go with the T but males produce the most T during puberty, in the teenage years. And … puberty is what i’m trying to go through here lol. But at the same time I don’t want to jump to high too fast, simply because I want to make sure my body is still cool with it. But again, that’s what doctors are for.

Side effects i’ve seen already these first 2 months

Bottom growth. T turns the clit into a min-dick. Seriously. It’s made from the same stuff after all. And it looks and acts like one. I mean of course there isn’t a hole to pee out of in it or anything .. but it gets hard. I can stroke it which I could not do pre-T. Pleasure and orgasm feel entirely different. Mine is still small but damn I love my little dude already. I can get erections now holy shit. The gender euphoria is real.

Of course an increase in sex drive comes along with it. Before i’d masturbate 2-3x a month I think. Now .. I can’t seem to go a day without jerking off.

I can actually eat! Which is a huge thing for me because I have severe stomach issues that don’t let me eat much without a lot of pain. Now it’s easier to eat! I mean I still have severe stomach issues but I do notice a positive difference.

I’m sweatier and I think a little warmer. Like, i’m not sweating buckets, I don’t do much though because disabled, but I do do what exercising I can and I actually sweat now! I’m not kidding when I say pre-T I was wondering if I had some anti-sweating problem. Nope, I can sweat.

Some acne. Not a whole lot but my nose keeps getting one again and again and I ended up getting a pimple down there. I didn’t know you could get them down there and my god it hurt there. Even underwear made it worse.

Darker body hair, mostly my arms so far. Still has patches of lighter hair so I can see the difference. I also have a shadow at a distance of a mustache and I think a few more hairs on my face lol. And some of the hair is darker. I have recently developed a couple hairs (and one long dark one) under my lip but you have to be close to see them. But i’ve literally seen it grow in since i’m looking at my face every day lol.

My voice seemed to initially drop some, from the upper half to the bottom half of the female range, but currently I am stuck there.

I don’t cry nearly as much as I used to but I can still cry, just, not as much. And honestly, I think I like it because before I couldn’t stop until my body let me and it’d give me such headaches and stuffy noses.

And of course, i’m happier and beginning to feel a little more like me, and excited to see what’s ahead.

Of course, speaking of happier, i’ve also been very anxious lately because of all the anti-trans news and shit. It’s gotten so bad my chest has been constantly hurting for awhile now, like really hurting and with a feeling of being choked from my throat down my chest. I’ve had plenty of anxiety and panic attacks in my life, I know they physically hurt, but I didn’t realize they could hurt this bad or maybe I should say this chronically. It’s a new level of anxiety. I hate it here.

This anxiety is killing me, so I have to take care of myself the best I can. That means a lot less social media. My first priority has to be surviving and my own health of course. Thankfully I have friends I can talk to, even though I feel like a burden. They tell me i’m not. I do not know where i’d be without them and am very grateful to have them as friends.

Mental health matters. If you need to hear this, your mental health matters. Seriously. Take care of yourself, or at least try. Don’t beat yourself up, just do your best and be kind to yourself. I know very well this is very very hard, but it’s worth it.

So, that’s my 2 months on T and some mental health update.

https://linktr.ee/Wickedjr

wickedjr89 life, transgender

One Month on T (Testosterone): Transitioning

I started T February 2nd. I’m a nonbinary trans man. He/They. I started on a low dose because I have a lot of medical issues and I want to see how my body reacts first and figure this is a smart way. I have gone through Plume because reasons. I am using the Testosterone Gel 1.62%, 1 pump a day and each pump gives 20.25mg of testosterone. I figure i’ll track my transition here. I’ve also made some tiktok videos, my linktree link at the bottom has links to all my socials, including tiktok if you’re interested.

I still have a long way to go in transition, i’ve barely begun, so please send good vibes or whatever you believe in for it to go well, especially with my medical issues.

CW: Talk about “downstairs”, horniness and masturbating. It’s a part of T and i’m going to talk about all of it. Do not proceed if this bothers you in any way or if you’re related to me. Thank you.

So, changes. Within the first day I noticed an increase in horniness. Yes, apparently that’s how it starts lol. I seriously felt like a dog in heat for a bit there. Now it seems more normal, like, guy normal, which is significantly hornier than I was pre-T. But it’s not insane. I can function lol. Before I’d masturbate maybe a few times a month? Now it’s almost every day. Typically once. Sometimes more.

Also before I typically needed some sort of help, to get off. Porn, reading smut, a toy. Now, it seems I do sometimes but, not usually. It’s actually interesting, especially because i’ve heard other trans guys say the opposite and I seem to be alone in this (but i’m sure i’m not).

The feeling, all of it, is different. Within the first 2 weeks I also felt bottom growth. That’s when the clit grows on T, it basically turns into a mini penis. It’s made from the same stuff after all. From my understanding it grows a little, stops, months later or whatever it’ll grow some more etc. And yes, I felt it. That seems to be normal from what I gather. Some trans guys say it hurts. At worst it was uncomfortable for me but generally just made me horny (i’ve heard other trans guys say the same thing, so it depends). It’s still small obviously because it’s only been a month but there is noticeable growth, and I love it.

The way I masturbate has already changed. My clit is so much more sensitive than before. I can just lightly stroke it, that’s not something I could do before. I can also feel and see when it’s hard and erect, just like a penis, just smaller. The sensation is also more localized. Before I could feel the pleasure through my whole body. Now it’s more localized but also more intense. I wouldn’t say either way is bad, they both feel good, but this way feels more right for me personally. It’s also easier for me to get off than before, which is nice because sometimes it seemed impossible before and the fact I have chronic pain wasn’t helping.

T can make it drier down there (which can hurt, cause bleeding..), but it can also make it wetter because it tends to cause more horny than before. So, depends on if the T or the horny wins. I have noticed at times it being too dry (and there is stuff for that), but when i’m wet even that feels different, and I don’t have the (normal) white discharge I used to. I can’t tell if the smell down there has changed or not, sometimes it seemed to but not other times. T can make there smell like dick and balls, so i’ve heard.

I’ve also noticed an increase in hunger. Nothing drastic because I was born with vacterl association and the imperforate anus part of that includes serious stomach issues with me. Hunger is not something my body tends to have, I just eat because I have to, but my body also hates food because it’s too stupid to work right, or like, at all. So barely eating could be difficult before. Now … I actually want to eat (a normal amount) and can eat easier, with less trouble and actually feel hungry a little every now and then, which with my severe stomach issues is a big deal.

I mentioned I started T February 2nd. I got my period February 7th. Seemed pretty normal, mighta been a little lighter/shorter than usual but who knows as one period to the next can change.

Also I noticed my mood, i’m much happier, less anxious and depressed (it’s hasn’t cured anything, I still have anxiety and shit, but i’m happier and able to cope better than before). I feel more me, more myself. More confidence. Still got work to do, but it’s nice.

I also cry less. I thought trans guys saying they couldn’t cry anymore or couldn’t cry as much as before was bullshit. Honestly, I thought it was internalized toxic masculinity and certainly wouldn’t affect my over-emotional cry at everything self and I know men are allowed to cry and it’s nothing shameful, and as I said, I was a constant crier and couldn’t help it.

It wasn’t bullshit. I can still cry. I haven’t lost the ability. But I don’t cry at every little thing like I used to. Commercials, puppies, stress, tv, movies, books, frustration…. Now it takes something significant to me to make me cry, and even then I don’t sob like I used to and it’s over much quicker. I’m not trying to do that, it just stops. Like my body saying “ok, done now”. I can try to cry and it doesn’t work anymore. Before I couldn’t get myself to stop crying until I had been cried out, now I can barely get me to start let alone continue for more than a few minutes no matter happened. Like I said, I can still cry though, it just takes more and is over much quicker.

I do still feel the emotions. Emotions can be less intense but I still have them. They haven’t gone anywhere. But I can handle them better to. Not perfect i’m sure, but better.

I do have a bit more of a mustache than I did before but it still has a lot of growing in to do. I’m not sure how much my face and body mighta changed, my mom said she can see some change but i’m also trying to lose weight (and failing). Same with my voice, it seems to be a little lower (using a voice app) but not much and it still very much in the female range. Voice (and facial hair) take longer than other changes though. Plus i’m surprised being on a low dose for just 1 month I have as much changes as I do, but i’m happy with them!

Also my face feels a bit oily and i’ve noticed a few more pimples than usual (but nothing bad yet).

So that’s it so far. Here is a pic of me Pre-T

And a pic of me now, one month on T

Ignore the fact I look mean. I wasn’t smiling only because I wanted to see my face shape without smiling.

https://linktr.ee/Wickedjr