wickedjr89 life, transgender

One Month on T (Testosterone): Transitioning

I started T February 2nd. I’m a nonbinary trans man. He/They. I started on a low dose because I have a lot of medical issues and I want to see how my body reacts first and figure this is a smart way. I have gone through Plume because reasons. I am using the Testosterone Gel 1.62%, 1 pump a day and each pump gives 20.25mg of testosterone. I figure i’ll track my transition here. I’ve also made some tiktok videos, my linktree link at the bottom has links to all my socials, including tiktok if you’re interested.

I still have a long way to go in transition, i’ve barely begun, so please send good vibes or whatever you believe in for it to go well, especially with my medical issues.

CW: Talk about “downstairs”, horniness and masturbating. It’s a part of T and i’m going to talk about all of it. Do not proceed if this bothers you in any way or if you’re related to me. Thank you.

So, changes. Within the first day I noticed an increase in horniness. Yes, apparently that’s how it starts lol. I seriously felt like a dog in heat for a bit there. Now it seems more normal, like, guy normal, which is significantly hornier than I was pre-T. But it’s not insane. I can function lol. Before I’d masturbate maybe a few times a month? Now it’s almost every day. Typically once. Sometimes more.

Also before I typically needed some sort of help, to get off. Porn, reading smut, a toy. Now, it seems I do sometimes but, not usually. It’s actually interesting, especially because i’ve heard other trans guys say the opposite and I seem to be alone in this (but i’m sure i’m not).

The feeling, all of it, is different. Within the first 2 weeks I also felt bottom growth. That’s when the clit grows on T, it basically turns into a mini penis. It’s made from the same stuff after all. From my understanding it grows a little, stops, months later or whatever it’ll grow some more etc. And yes, I felt it. That seems to be normal from what I gather. Some trans guys say it hurts. At worst it was uncomfortable for me but generally just made me horny (i’ve heard other trans guys say the same thing, so it depends). It’s still small obviously because it’s only been a month but there is noticeable growth, and I love it.

The way I masturbate has already changed. My clit is so much more sensitive than before. I can just lightly stroke it, that’s not something I could do before. I can also feel and see when it’s hard and erect, just like a penis, just smaller. The sensation is also more localized. Before I could feel the pleasure through my whole body. Now it’s more localized but also more intense. I wouldn’t say either way is bad, they both feel good, but this way feels more right for me personally. It’s also easier for me to get off than before, which is nice because sometimes it seemed impossible before and the fact I have chronic pain wasn’t helping.

T can make it drier down there (which can hurt, cause bleeding..), but it can also make it wetter because it tends to cause more horny than before. So, depends on if the T or the horny wins. I have noticed at times it being too dry (and there is stuff for that), but when i’m wet even that feels different, and I don’t have the (normal) white discharge I used to. I can’t tell if the smell down there has changed or not, sometimes it seemed to but not other times. T can make there smell like dick and balls, so i’ve heard.

I’ve also noticed an increase in hunger. Nothing drastic because I was born with vacterl association and the imperforate anus part of that includes serious stomach issues with me. Hunger is not something my body tends to have, I just eat because I have to, but my body also hates food because it’s too stupid to work right, or like, at all. So barely eating could be difficult before. Now … I actually want to eat (a normal amount) and can eat easier, with less trouble and actually feel hungry a little every now and then, which with my severe stomach issues is a big deal.

I mentioned I started T February 2nd. I got my period February 7th. Seemed pretty normal, mighta been a little lighter/shorter than usual but who knows as one period to the next can change.

Also I noticed my mood, i’m much happier, less anxious and depressed (it’s hasn’t cured anything, I still have anxiety and shit, but i’m happier and able to cope better than before). I feel more me, more myself. More confidence. Still got work to do, but it’s nice.

I also cry less. I thought trans guys saying they couldn’t cry anymore or couldn’t cry as much as before was bullshit. Honestly, I thought it was internalized toxic masculinity and certainly wouldn’t affect my over-emotional cry at everything self and I know men are allowed to cry and it’s nothing shameful, and as I said, I was a constant crier and couldn’t help it.

It wasn’t bullshit. I can still cry. I haven’t lost the ability. But I don’t cry at every little thing like I used to. Commercials, puppies, stress, tv, movies, books, frustration…. Now it takes something significant to me to make me cry, and even then I don’t sob like I used to and it’s over much quicker. I’m not trying to do that, it just stops. Like my body saying “ok, done now”. I can try to cry and it doesn’t work anymore. Before I couldn’t get myself to stop crying until I had been cried out, now I can barely get me to start let alone continue for more than a few minutes no matter happened. Like I said, I can still cry though, it just takes more and is over much quicker.

I do still feel the emotions. Emotions can be less intense but I still have them. They haven’t gone anywhere. But I can handle them better to. Not perfect i’m sure, but better.

I do have a bit more of a mustache than I did before but it still has a lot of growing in to do. I’m not sure how much my face and body mighta changed, my mom said she can see some change but i’m also trying to lose weight (and failing). Same with my voice, it seems to be a little lower (using a voice app) but not much and it still very much in the female range. Voice (and facial hair) take longer than other changes though. Plus i’m surprised being on a low dose for just 1 month I have as much changes as I do, but i’m happy with them!

Also my face feels a bit oily and i’ve noticed a few more pimples than usual (but nothing bad yet).

So that’s it so far. Here is a pic of me Pre-T

And a pic of me now, one month on T

Ignore the fact I look mean. I wasn’t smiling only because I wanted to see my face shape without smiling.

https://linktr.ee/Wickedjr

wickedjr89 book review, book thoughts, Bookish

Weekly Wednesday Wrap Up July 13th, 2022

What I am currently reading

Why I’m Afraid of Bees by R.L. Stine

I started this last night. Not far in but i’m liking it so far. I feel awful for the main character!

What I finished in the past week

Monster Musume, Vol. 8 by Okayado – 4 stars

Not much to say. Still enjoying the series. Funny and like the characters.

Saga, Volume 5 & 6 by Brian K. Vaughan and Fiona Staples – 5 and 4.5 stars

Can’t say much about volume 5 and 6. If you haven’t read Saga yet I highly recommend it! This is me continuing my reread in preparation for volume 10 in October! A wonderful science fiction comic series!

What do I think i’ll read next?

Gender Queer: A Memoir Deluxe Edition by Maia Kobabe – I read this years ago and it meant so much to me! More than words can say, but I did write a review Here. So of course I needed the deluxe edition that just came out!

NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity by Steve Silberman – like I said last week i’m autistic and this is very highly rated.

The Gender Friend: A 102 Guide to Gender Identity by Oakley Phoenix by Oakley Phoenix – I got this from Netgalley.

A Little Pinprick by Paige Dearth – I also got this from netgalley and have loved a couple books by Paige Dearth before! I’m preparing to be emotionally devastated. Paige’s books tend to do that.

Monster Musume, Vol. 9 by Okayado – Continuing the series.

Other Stuff

I’m having surgery July 18th and will be in the hospital about a week most likely. I am not sure what i’ll be able to do while in the hospital or while recovering, which could take a month or 2. I imagine i’ll be able to blog once I get home even though i’ll still be recovering. Either way, health comes first. I’ll get back to blogging when I can if I have to take a hiatus. I do have a post scheduled for the 19th and the 26th.

Links to all my socials

wickedjr89 life

My nonbinary trans journey

I grew up not feeling like a girl, but I also grew up hearing anything queer was a sin. I also grew up only knowing about trans women, trans men simply weren’t a thing i’d ever heard of until my late teens and I was in my mid-20s before I heard about nonbinary. So as a kid I knew I didn’t feel like a girl but I also knew I didn’t 100% feel like a boy, though it was much closer and comfortable, so I had to assume I just couldn’t “girl” properly. Which makes absolutely no sense.

That “not like other girls” trope? Yea, I loved that. I know now it’s problematic, but also, i’m actually not a girl, but back then I didn’t know any other options existed. But girls, like another other gender or lack there of, come in many varieties. There is no right or wrong way to be any gender. It’s just what feels right and true to you.

I hated long hair (and was forced into having long hair growing up) and many girly things. And there was some girly things I actually did like and man I felt embarrassed by that, but I tried to ignore it and just liked what I liked (and you should just like what you like). Like, I loved Lisa Frank for example. I said I hated the color pink on principle. I never hated the color pink. Though my favorite colors are blue and green but that’s because they remind me of the ocean and nature. However as a kid I couldn’t pick a favorite color so I said mine was purple because my favorite Backstreet Boy, Howie, said it’s his. I’ve since learned doing stuff like that is actually pretty autistic of me lol. I am autistic, always have been, but was nearly 32 when I learned that.

I always wanted to BE a boy, even pre-puberty. Then puberty came, and I hated it. And yes, I know, everyone hates puberty, but it was also a factor of “this is wrong, so very wrong, this isn’t what i’m supposed to look like”. I don’t know how else to put it. I was hoping i’d grow out of it, get used to it. I never did. I’m 33 now. I want to transition but currently am not able to. Hopefully one day. So for now I still “look like a woman” (you know what I mean) and I know this doesn’t invalidate me but hello dysphoria!

And yes, I realize now you are whatever gender you know you are, regardless of what you look like or what you were assigned at birth. But i’m just learning that in my 30s. So when I say I wanted to BE a boy, I also mean I wish I was born amab, instead of afab.

I was always jealous of guys, of how they looked, wished I looked like that. Jealous of girls with small boobs and could not for the life of me understand why they were jealous of my huge ones.

Of course i’m also bisexual so i’ve had that thought “Do I want to look like him or fuck him?” when looking at a cis guy and the answer has been

I’m multiply physically disabled, known i’m bi since 13 (still am), and knew I was “weird” before I knew i’m autistic, and have multiple mental health issues on top of it … so when I heard about nonbinary in my late 20s, already married to a man (who I loved and always will have a place in my heart, he died Feb 16th, 2021), I was scared.

I was scared because I was already “too much”. I can’t be any more strange, please no for the love of God NO!! That was my thought. I refused to look into it.

I had a breakdown at 30 and realized, i’m nonbinary. I came out and told my husband, he was supportive (even when I told him I want to transition). First I figured i’m agender, then demiguy (which for me is part agender part man). Gender had always been a source of pain and confusion so I just wanted to say “fuck it” but also had to realize, some gender i’m happy with and agender wasn’t my whole story. At first I said “any pronouns” but it became obvious she irked me.

Oh, that reminds me, when I still thought I was cis i’d have instances of people thinking I was a guy, say online or before they saw boobs, and I would never correct them and I realized it made me happy when they did that and very annoyed when they “realized” and corrected themselves and I couldn’t understand why it annoyed me for them to correct themselves, I mean, I was a woman, right? (no, and that shoulda been a friggin’ neon sign for me! But alas, the brain can refuse to realize things it doesn’t want to/isn’t ready for).

So eventually I changed my pronouns to they/them then they/he. They/He are my pronouns. I also go by Tyler now.

Other things that shoulda been neon signs: I’d daydream about being a guy, masturbating imagining I have a penis and am the guy I wish I was, wish I could chop off my chest, straighten out my curves, have a deeper voice, like the facial hair aspect I got of what appears to be pcos (though I could do without the pain thank you) and wish I had more facial hair. I have a lot for an afab person not on T but no where near a beard or “male-level” facial hair. I know there’s others i’ve realized but can’t think of them off the top of my head. Look up trans guy memes or something, you’ll probably find them.

I haven’t legally or physically transitioned at all yet, but i’d like to. Unfortunately things stand in my way, but hopefully i’ll get there. I’ve heard of trans people coming out in their 40s, 50s, 60s, even older, so I get hope from that, knowing there is no such thing as too late. And regardless, I know who I am, and the right people will respect me for who I am.

And now i’m starting to cry. This is my nonbinary trans journey so far.

And you know what? I hated dresses as a kid (though i’ve always liked skirts, certain ones like skater skirts that weren’t too girly to me) and even now being too feminine (in terms of looks) would make me very uncomfortable. I already have a huge chest and people constantly see me as a woman, it’s just … I don’t know how else to put it. But I can see myself if I get to a point of physically transitioning and looking more like I want, who I know myself to be, then feeling more comfortable dressing and being feminine. I’ve heard other transmasc people say the same thing so I know i’m not alone!

Who knows, maybe i’ll transition, and then wear a dress. I could see me doing that, when i’ve said countless times growing up “you won’t catch me dead in a dress” and shit like that. But sadly, I also know, i’d be terrified to go out in public as a man in a dress. I know there’s nothing wrong with being a man in a dress, but it can be unsafe to say the least. Who knows, I might get the opportunity to be who I am, but still be too afraid to be 100% me, because of the way society is. But I have to hope.

By the way, I also say i’m a nonbinary man. Nonbinary means not 100% either binary gender, some people, like myself, have a connection to a binary gender (or both), some have no connection to either. Of course gender fluid people also fall under nonbinary and they might go from one binary gender to the next. I hope i’ve explained that well enough, apologies if I have not.

I don’t need to make sense to anyone else. I love Jeffrey Marsh and what they’ve said at one point (look up Jeffrey Marsh on Twitter or Youtube, please, they are awesome); that respect has to come before understanding, it doesn’t work the other way around. Understanding can come after respect, but also, it’s ok if it doesn’t. I know people have this desire to understand everything, but it’s ok to not understand everything, just respect people for who they are even if you don’t get it. I don’t understand why that’s hard for people. I am sorry if it’s hard for you, but I believe everyone has the capacity for kindness and love. I’m not saying it’s always easy, i’m saying I believe everyone has the capacity.

When I refused to look into nonbinary and said “I don’t get it” (because I didn’t want to, as explained) I still respected people when they said they were nonbinary and did my best to use the correct pronouns. It wasn’t hard, despite me pushing away my own nonbinary-ness out of intense fear. It was years, like 4 or 5, of me knowing about nonbinary people before I would admit to myself that I am one.

I hope this makes sense, sorry it’s all over the place, but this is my story so far and I know who I am. Life is a journey and it’s never too late to learn more about yourself.

Edit before posting (good thing I write things up ahead of time) to add, not having the words for how I felt growing up and thinking how I felt wasn’t real and I was all alone, is why labels are so important to me. Also for thinking anything not cishet is a sin growing up. You can understand why labels are important to me, I finally have the words to describe how I feel, and I also didn’t make them up myself, meaning others feel the same way and i’m not alone! (Also, to certain people: all words are made up, language is a living thing). Labels don’t need to be important to everyone, but for some people they are, and both are ok.

Also, representation is important. I read Gender Queer and in a lot of ways, it was like reading my own story, so again, finally, seeing that i’m not alone. And I learned more words for things I had no idea had words! Feelings I didn’t know had words to describe them, that other people put into words before me. Words and representation are powerful.

Links to all my socials

wickedjr89 life

My Bisexual Journey

I am a nonbinary trans guy. I have to say that to explain all this. I didn’t realize i’m trans (in large part because I didn’t have the words and was also already queer and disabled I felt like too much already, even before learning i’m autistic as well) until I was 30. So until 30 I just assumed I couldn’t “girl” properly, which makes no sense whatsoever.

So when I realized I was very attracted to girls at 13, I knew then that i’m bisexual. I’m still bisexual, that hasn’t changed. I was also raised though to believe queerness is a sin so I tried for years to “pray the gay part of me away”. And of course me and my big mouth did say to my parents “I think i’m bi” right away because I didn’t think first. Mom cried, which broke my heart. I forget what my stepparents said. My dad said “it’s a phase” and of course a sin. I shut up about it and just silently prayed to be straight, for years, while reading the bible.

Also, i’m pagan now but that’s not the point of this post. I don’t care what religion someone is as long as they don’t use their beliefs to hurt others or try to shove their beliefs down others throats. That’s it.

I’ve only been with cis guys. I’m mostly attracted to women. Now that I know about nonbinary yes i’m also attracted to nonbinary people (and as mentioned, am one myself). I can be attracted to all genders. Could I call myself pansexual? Apparently, but I have my reasons for being comfortable with bisexual. Read the bisexual manifesto from the 90s, it was NEVER trans-exclusionary. Also if you say (this is only specific people) “I say pansexual because I am attracted to trans men and trans women too” THAT is transphobic because when a bisexual person says they are attracted to men and women, trans people are by default included in that as trans men are men and trans women are women, if you feel the need to separate them, the problem is with your internalized transphobia and not actually seeing trans men as men and trans women as women.

A part of me wishes I could leave it there but I must say, I know it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. We all have internalized crap or don’t know things. It’s just feeling the need to say “I’m attracted to men, women and trans men and trans women” just … it’s awful. I don’t know how else to say it. That’s implying trans men and trans women aren’t really men and women. You see the problem? I’ll get to nonbinary people in the next paragraph. (quick side note: You can’t help who you are or are not attracted to. I am NOT saying you have to be attracted to trans people. That is not what i’m saying. Before people put words in my mouth…)

Are there transphobic bi people? Of course there are. Again, that’s specific people. I have nothing against pansexual people or the label. We’re all different and that’s beautiful. My issue is with certain people not the label. I’m just comfortable with bisexual and am stubborn and want to break the stigmas surrounding bisexuality. It’s not transphobic. It can include all genders (a definition of bisexuality: Attracted to 2 or more genders). There, ya got your 2 and it can include all. Again, bisexual manifesto, 90s, look it up if you want. It even says “don’t assume there are only 2 genders”.

Back to my journey with it. Because religion I had shame about being bisexual for years. Eventually I did break that shame, but it took awhile. I married a cis man in 2014. He died last year in 2021 but we had been together since 2010. He was a wonderful man and I loved him and always will have a place for him in my heart. When I came out as trans and discussed it all with him he was completely accepting.

Now, i’m a single widow. I’m only 33, so who knows what might happen with the rest of my life. If I find love again, who knows what the gender or sex of the person might be. As long as we work together and are happy, that’s all I care about.

I did mention I am mostly attracted to women, but also sometimes to men and sometimes to nonbinary people. Something funny I guess is once I accepted i’m bisexual and had pride a part of me was like “well at least i’m closer to gay than straight” even though that’s not how that works and bisexuality is it’s own thing. I still find this kinda funny though, feel free to laugh if you do to. Now? Me realizing i’m trans has kinda flipped that on it’s head and made me go “oh … crap … but i’m still bi!!” 😂And it’s true. I am still bisexual.

Links to all my socials

wickedjr89 book review, book thoughts, Bookish

LGBTQ+ Book Rec’s! Part 1

Not Otherwise Specified

by Hannah Moskowitz

I’ve read this twice. I started really reading in late 2015 and that’s when I read this. It was the first bisexual rep i’d ever seen! And i’ve known i’m bisexual since I was 13, and I read it when I was nearly 27. I was sobbing from happiness. The MC is a bisexual black girl recovering from an eating disorder, in love with ballet, not fitting into boxes other people want her to, flawed, human. Etta “kick it in the ass” Sinclair. I fucking love Etta. I have a longer review Here if you wanna check it out.

The Abyss Surrounds Us by Emily Skrutskie
The Edge of the Abyss by Emily Skrutskie 

YA Fantasy/Sci-Fi with lesbian pirates and sea monsters. Seriously, I don’t know why anyone would need to know more before dying to pick this up! At least that’s how I feel anyway. Also has morally gray characters. I actually read the sequel The Edge of the Abyss via an E-ARC via Netgalley. I own it physically now but don’t think i’ve read it yet? I’m not sure. I’m overdue for a reread.

Lesbian. Pirates. and Sea Monsters. Morally gray characters. Character development. World-Building. Well thought out plot. Lots of action. Never confusing. Slow-burn F/F romance. Emotional.

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

Two Mexican-American boys fall in love. Honest, raw, heart-breaking. Character depth. I absolutely loved Ari! I should reread it before reading the sequel.

The Lonely Merman by Kay Berrisford

M/M romance between a gay merman and a gay male human. I read it back in 2017 and stupidly haven’t continued the series. Need to do that. I enjoyed it when I read it.

Juliet Takes a Breath

by Gabby Rivera

This book is about a Queer Puerto Rican 19 year old girl, Juliet. She goes to the house of an author she looks up to for an internship. The author, Harlowe, wrote raging flower. A feminist book. Along the way she learns Harlowe…is flawed to say the least. Juliet is trying to learn where her queer chubby brown self fits into feminism that ends up being whitewashed. Also before she left for the internship she came out to her family…and the reaction wasn’t great.

Queens of Geek

by Jen Wilde

Contemporary YA with an Asian Austrailian bisexual MC and an MC that is autistic, has anxiety and is fat (and ok with that!). I related SO HARD to Taylor, the autistic/anxiety/fat MC, because anxiety and I read it when I didn’t know i’m autistic. This is one of the books that eventually lead me on my journey to realizing I am! I’m also bisexual so that rep was awesome. Involves a con like comic con.

The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet by Becky Chambers

This is so much more than a space opera! If you are looking for an action-packed thrill ride, this may not be your cuppa tea, but if you love character-driven books about friendships, people, diversity, politics and a pretty relaxing read that will mostly give you happy tears then this will probably be your cuppa tea!

It explores gender, sexuality, being sapient, existence, politics, differences in people and how even if you are different, you can still get along and respect each other. It’s not hard, generally, and if it is you can still work it out.

There are queer relationships and no one cares or is bothered by it in the slightest, it just is! I still need to continue this series.

Noteworthy

by Riley Redgate

I did read this years ago via Netgalley.

The main character, Jordan Sun, is bisexual and Chinese-American (the author is also Chinese-American so that part is Own Voices and from what i’ve seen others say it’s also own voices for bisexuality). The Sharpshooters also includes Isaac who is Japanese (though I must admit I completely missed that), Nihal who is Sikh and gay and Trav who is black. Nihal is easily my favorite side character, he is too precious! Jordan’s best friend (who you don’t really see but is mentioned) is a curvy lesbian. Jordan comes from a poor family whose father uses a wheelchair and they can’t afford the hospital bills.

Also one of the sharpshooters has anxiety and one has dyslexia. Also the author was in an A Capella group in college herself and I could see she knew what she was talking about music-wise. The diversity in this book feels real and authentic. Different sexualities, physical and mental abilities, religions, body types and cultures…just like how it is in the real world.

I have more on my review Here. It’s a no longer active blog of mine but it still exists. I should give this a reread since I read before realizing i’m a trans guy, to see how i’d feel about it now. If you read the full review you’ll see why, but I think i’d still enjoy it.

Sunstone, Vol. 1 by Stjepan Šejić

This is BDSM done right! Talks about the trust needed, the nervousness, the human feelings. It’s also funny and has great artwork, but even without that the story alone is amazing enough! That was my initial review of volume 1. I’ve read 6 out of 7 volumes. It’s an F/F BDSM romance.

Chameleon Moon by RoAnna Sylver

This book is simply amazing! There is no other way to put it. There is no way I can do this book justice. I read it for diverseathon as an own voices book (own voices for sexuality and disability). It has POC, LGBT+ people including a kick-ass transgirl MC, it deals with anxiety, depression, PTSD, as well as physical disability. Themes include, but not limited to, love, friendship, self care, resistance (it’s not futile!), caring about people. There is a poly relationship with f/f/f that includes the transgirl and they have a little boy named Jack. There is a non-binary character as well. The author is non-binary, queer, and deals with chronic pain, medical issues and is neurodivergent.

They live in a police state. There are so many things that make it so relevant to today and the current political climate and society. So many things that make it feel as if it were written today, and it was published a few years ago. So many important messages and themes. It’s a dystopia, that feels oddly realistic about dark realities, but this is an oddly optimistic dystopia and I mean that in a great way. It’s powerful, hopeful, it talks about resistance, about being there for each other, about inclusion, about love and humanity. The characters are all strong, flawed, human, caring, and different with their own struggles.

Better Off Red by Rebekah Weatherspoon

There is a romance (pretty big part of the plot) and while it is often sweet (and very sexy) conflicts and misunderstandings did come about, and there were talked through and figured out.

There is stuff going on between the girls that I initially rolled my eyes at, but it all comes together in the end in such a powerful way! This definitely ends on a note of girls supporting girls, please trust it knows what it’s doing!

The vampires in here can also co-exist with humans. Yes it does get dark sometimes but over-all is a fun sexy time, with vampires that can co-exist with human, characters making mistakes and learning from them, and a sorority full of girls who are different from each other and definitely make a great bunch!

Full review Here. Lesbian vampires. I need to reread it so I can finish the trilogy, which I own.

Mothmen

by Kaija Rayne

Man this short book packs a punch! Shea lost her twin brother a few years ago to suicide, now she lost her father and it about to lose her farm because she can’t pay for it. She gets drunk and when she wakes up, her ex, Rian, from high school is there. She’s in her late 20s now. There is more to the story but I don’t want to spoil everything. He is also with his boyfriend Jai. Rain is bi, Jai is pan. They are also moth people, well shapeshifters. They have a human form, a moth-person form and a giant moth form. They are all also into bdsm.

Yes, I read a m/m/f polyamorous kinky triad involving moth people…and it was AWESOME.

It deals with grief. Despite being less than 100 pages you also really get to know all 3 of the characters. There is a huge emphasis on communication and consent. If someone says consent can’t be sexy, show them this story!

Full review Here.

The Sublime and Spirited Voyage of Original Sin

by Colette Moody

Gayle’s dad is the captain of a pirate ship, Original Sin, who gets injured so Gayle, who has been on the ship since she was like 13 (her mom passed away and her dad does love her), becomes temporary captain. The crew actually respects her, she’s proven her worth, even though pirates typically believed that women on ships were bad luck, let alone taking orders from one? It takes place in 1702.

They want to abduct a Dr, but Celia’s fiance, a Dr, is a coward who doesn’t actually care about Celia, hides and let’s her, a Seamstress, get taken instead.

There is adventure. Everything does make sense (I don’t want to spoil things) in the narrative. It’s a historical lesbian pirate romance adventure novel with some feminist themes in it and I freaking loved every second of it!

Full review Here.

Moon-Bright Tides (Lunar Requiem, #1)

by RoAnna Sylver

It may be a short story but it made me cry, happy tears!! It was emotional and sad, but it ends up very happy and cute f/f romance between a witch and a mermaid! I loved how it talked about Riven’s anxiety and all that. I was able to relate to her and it touched me. The world-building was fantastic for such a short story. The mermaids name can not be pronounced by humans. The witch, Riven, has no choice but to call in the tides with a shell and a song because the moon was lost long ago, no one knows where it went/what happened to it, and the tides must go on. She is all alone. Both her and the mermaid, named Moon-Bright because her name that isn’t pronounceable by humans, ment how the moon would shine on the water, are lonely for different reasons.

Ice Massacre by Tiana Warner 

I loved the characters and their depth! I was very much able to relate and put myself in Meela’s, the MC’s, shoes. I love the water too and she felt a connection to the ocean even though she wasn’t “supposed” to. There is so much more to her than meets the eye. It’s in first person POV so you get her thoughts and I connected with her so much! She is also a POC, many of the characters are on Eriana Kwai.

She has a best friend Annith and I really enjoyed seeing their friendship. Stuff gets tested, but female friendships <3.

Full review Here. F/F. Mermaids. YA Fantasy. I have finished the trilogy and loved it!

Is this all my LGBTQ+ rec’s? No. But that’s enough for 1 post. There will be more!

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wickedjr89 Bookish, hobbies, movies, tv shows

Welcome to my new blog (sort of) & May POP (Pile of Possibilities)

I have redone my blog and deleted most of my old blog posts. I wasn’t happy with how it was going, plus I learned about how there’s only so much space I can use and freaked out about all the pictures I had up. Pictures aside though (and that’s not to say I won’t post any pictures from here on out, I just won’t have a ton like I used to) I wasn’t happy with my posts or random schedule.

I’m going to try and stick to a schedule and pre-write up posts. I’m thinking Saturday and Tuesday posts. What will I post? Still whatever I want but since I am a reader there will be bookish content. I do more than just read though so there will be other content to. Movies? TV Shows? Games? Life stuff? Random topics?

My May TBR/POP includes:

Magazines. I have Archaeology, Discover, Philosophy, Science Focus, and Wildlife magazines I badly need to catch up on.

Love & Other Disasters by Anita Kelly. I am currently reading this (as I type this). A female/nonbinary romance? Yes please! My nonbinary queer heart is so happy this exists!

On my 30th birthday (i’m 33 now) I made a “40 books to read before 40” and i’m still working on it! It shouldn’t take me until i’m 40 to finish it. From the books on that list I still need to get to i’m thinking To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee, The Hunchback of Notre-Dame by Victor Hugo, or Like Water Like Chocolate by Laura Esquivel for May.

I’m trying to make my way through all the Goosebumps books I haven’t read yet (or don’t remember reading) and up next is Why I’m Afraid of Bees and Deep Trouble (and then i’d read Deep Trouble II) all by R.L. Stine.

I also have a out of state Brooklyn Public Library card so I read something using that every month.

I am privately doing a couple bingo boards for the year. One was made by someone else and a friend shared with it me, the other I made to make sure i’m reading as diversely as I claim.

For a Neurodivergent author i’m thinking of reading The Brightsiders by Jen Wilde, Get a Life Chloe Brown by Talia Hibbert or Trans Wizard Harriet Porber and the Bad Boy Parasaurolophus by Chuck Tingle.

For first book by a fave author I had some trouble with that as it feels weird to call any other author except R.L. Stine a favorite author because most authors i’ve read 1 book by, but I couldn’t use R.L. Stine because I think that was The Baby-Sitter which i’ve already read, and didn’t like. So, i’m cheating I guess but I can’t see another way to do it, i’m using authors i’ve read 1 book by but I DID love those books so … Anyway for that i’m thinking of Break by Hannah Moskowitz or Believe Like a Child by Paige Dearth.

For mental health rep i’m looking at Girl in Pieces by Kathleen Glasgow, Under Rose-Tainted Skies by Louise Gornall or Coral by Sara Ella.

I’m also re-reading the Saga series to prepare for volume 10, and I was trying to re-read them faster until I saw volume 10 won’t be out until late October. Next up on my re-reading is volume 5.

I do have 2 pages filled with a lot of possibilities in my bullet journal but I don’t want to be overwhelming here lol. Also of note, it’s Mermay!

Pile of Possibilities means I don’t *have* to get to anything specifically, these are all just possibilities!

Speaking of possibilities though i’m also trying to work on watching stuff since i’m so bad with that!

I’m in the middle of watching The Nightmare on Elm Street series. I’ve watched the first 3 so far. As mentioned it’s also Mermay. I have started The Skull Man on Hidive, only watched 3 episodes so far. Other shows I would like to maybe watch include: Leave it to Geege, My Pregnant Husband, Everything’s Gonna be Okay, Our Flag Means Death, and Special. All of these are either about being autistic or queer!

I also love to play Sims 2 and don’t play that enough so there is that to. I have other games I should probably play though … lol.