I am having hernia repair (from a colostomy) surgery (again) July 18th. I have a lot going on medically that I don’t talk about, thanks to VACteRL Association (and more). I am multiply physically disabled, have chronic pain, bisexual, nonbinary transmasc, and neurodivergent plus mental health issues. With Roe Vs. Wade being overturned the internet right now is making me feel like the entire world is misgendering me, because I have a uterus, this affects me to. But i’m not a woman. Nonbinary and trans people with uterus’s matter and are affected to.
It makes me feel like I don’t matter and like the entire world is saying people like me shouldn’t exist. Add in all the anti-trans laws and just … there’s so much. My personal life, society, i’m drowning.
I’m quitting the bingo boards and the 40 by 40. Who knows, maybe i’ll do them accidentally but I will not be focusing on them, so I might have to delete them just so my brain doesn’t obsess over them like it tends to do. I’m also taking a break from Twitter and Instagram. They are on my homepages just so i’ll be able to see if I get any notifications or messages but I won’t be going through my feed. After I check notifications and messages, i’m exiting outta the tabs. I don’t know when i’ll go back to checking the feeds, but it’ll be when i’m ready.
I had a panic attack last night from all this shit. I don’t get panic attacks often anymore but they still happen. At least I know what they are now. First several ones I had I didn’t know what was going on and thought I was dying. At least now I know i’m not dying but they still fucking suck.
Since I don’t know how much i’ll be reading (I still love reading, i’m sure i’ll still read. I just want to read what I feel like reading and that’s it) I might change WWW Wednesday to a weekly wrap up including anything I watch/play etc. I will figure it out. I might not even have anything to talk about some weeks so don’t be surprised if there isn’t a post on a Wednesday.
I’ve got to take care of myself. We all have to take care of ourselves first. Even if you have a bunch of privileges you are still human and can burn yourself out if you aren’t careful. Take care of yourself first, then do what you can. And don’t feel bad for whatever you can’t do. You can’t pour from an empty cup. And yes, i’m talking to myself to.
Also, after my surgery on July 18th I have a blog post scheduled for the 19th and the 26th. I do not know when i’ll be recovered enough to get back to posting full time but I will when I can. Health comes first.