My one month on T update blog post is Here which goes more in-depth on some things.
It’s been 2 months on T for me today! Just last week I finally had an appointment with an endocrinologist, who is trans friendly and see trans patients! I had blood work done. Right now it’ll be a couple months before I can switch to getting my T from Plume to my endocrinologist, I still have to get a gender dysphoria letter from my therapist (and I need another month before I can do that) and to see my new ob/gyn which my appointment isn’t until May 26th, but the new gyn apparently specializes in trans health care (and is part of Penn medicine, where I go to a lot because I was born with vacterl association).
So right now i’m waiting for Plume to respond as I just sent them my blood work, no idea if they’ll take that or if i’ll have to get more in a month from them specifically. My endo said i’ll need an estrogen blocker, and my blood work shows that. From what i’ve gathered (internet searching) it looks like my estrogen is still in the female range (and my endo said that’ll prevent me from getting the full effects of T) and my T is in the very low male range (which surprises me it got that high as i’m only on one pump of Gel to start with). My estradiol (estrogen) is 85.1 and my testosterone is 378 and my Free testosterone(Direct) is 15.8. I’m not 100% sure what it all means, but that’s what doctors are for.
Not sure how high I should go with the T but males produce the most T during puberty, in the teenage years. And … puberty is what i’m trying to go through here lol. But at the same time I don’t want to jump to high too fast, simply because I want to make sure my body is still cool with it. But again, that’s what doctors are for.
Side effects i’ve seen already these first 2 months
Bottom growth. T turns the clit into a min-dick. Seriously. It’s made from the same stuff after all. And it looks and acts like one. I mean of course there isn’t a hole to pee out of in it or anything .. but it gets hard. I can stroke it which I could not do pre-T. Pleasure and orgasm feel entirely different. Mine is still small but damn I love my little dude already. I can get erections now holy shit. The gender euphoria is real.
Of course an increase in sex drive comes along with it. Before i’d masturbate 2-3x a month I think. Now .. I can’t seem to go a day without jerking off.
I can actually eat! Which is a huge thing for me because I have severe stomach issues that don’t let me eat much without a lot of pain. Now it’s easier to eat! I mean I still have severe stomach issues but I do notice a positive difference.
I’m sweatier and I think a little warmer. Like, i’m not sweating buckets, I don’t do much though because disabled, but I do do what exercising I can and I actually sweat now! I’m not kidding when I say pre-T I was wondering if I had some anti-sweating problem. Nope, I can sweat.
Some acne. Not a whole lot but my nose keeps getting one again and again and I ended up getting a pimple down there. I didn’t know you could get them down there and my god it hurt there. Even underwear made it worse.
Darker body hair, mostly my arms so far. Still has patches of lighter hair so I can see the difference. I also have a shadow at a distance of a mustache and I think a few more hairs on my face lol. And some of the hair is darker. I have recently developed a couple hairs (and one long dark one) under my lip but you have to be close to see them. But i’ve literally seen it grow in since i’m looking at my face every day lol.
My voice seemed to initially drop some, from the upper half to the bottom half of the female range, but currently I am stuck there.
I don’t cry nearly as much as I used to but I can still cry, just, not as much. And honestly, I think I like it because before I couldn’t stop until my body let me and it’d give me such headaches and stuffy noses.
And of course, i’m happier and beginning to feel a little more like me, and excited to see what’s ahead.
Of course, speaking of happier, i’ve also been very anxious lately because of all the anti-trans news and shit. It’s gotten so bad my chest has been constantly hurting for awhile now, like really hurting and with a feeling of being choked from my throat down my chest. I’ve had plenty of anxiety and panic attacks in my life, I know they physically hurt, but I didn’t realize they could hurt this bad or maybe I should say this chronically. It’s a new level of anxiety. I hate it here.
This anxiety is killing me, so I have to take care of myself the best I can. That means a lot less social media. My first priority has to be surviving and my own health of course. Thankfully I have friends I can talk to, even though I feel like a burden. They tell me i’m not. I do not know where i’d be without them and am very grateful to have them as friends.
Mental health matters. If you need to hear this, your mental health matters. Seriously. Take care of yourself, or at least try. Don’t beat yourself up, just do your best and be kind to yourself. I know very well this is very very hard, but it’s worth it.
So, that’s my 2 months on T and some mental health update.
2 thoughts on “Two months on T (Testosterone) and Mental Health”
Thank you for sharing your experiences with us! It’s great to see the positive changes that T has brought you, but it’s also important to remember to take care of your mental health. Have you found any specific self-care routines or strategies that have helped you manage your anxiety during these difficult times?
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At the moment i’ve blocked twitter with an extension on my browser. I can easily unblock it when I want to go on for some reason but it’s enough of a pause for me to go “Do I really want to go on there right now?” because Twitter has been the worst place for my anxiety.
Otherwise i’m still trying to figure it out but I think i’m managing it a little more each day. My anxiety has been affecting my motivation to do things, in particular my hobbies, because my brain just goes on an anxiety loop, so i’m telling myself if I do one thing, even if it’s small, each day that that is something. And talking to friends helps. I just gotta get my brain to realize that’s what friends are for, to be there for each other.