At 30 I realized i’m nonbinary trans. At 31 almost 32 I learned i’m autistic, at around the same time my husband and grandmother, my 2 supporters, died just a month apart (and me and my husband had finally just moved into our own home 2 weeks prior to his death, with my grandma dying weeks before we moved in and him dying weeks after, so you can imagine the inner chaos from learning i’m autistic during that time). Now 33 i’m learning I have ADHD as well.
I have recently discovered fidget toys can help me pay attention while watching stuff! Youtube videos, tv shows etc. I have so much trouble paying attention! Fidget toys help. They are stimulating, entertaining, calming. Where has this knowledge been all my life?!
Learning so much about myself in my 30s shows me self-discovery is a lifelong journey. You are never too old.
You are never too old.
I’m sorry that’s depressing but it’s my truth and I am proud to be autistic now. What’s depressing is the deaths and the chaos, not the autism.
Knowledge is power. I understand myself better now, seeing my childhood in a whole new lens. I can use this knowledge to understand myself, better understand others, and help myself through life. And it helps me to be proud of who I am. Before I thought I was just a failed human who couldn’t figure out how to human. Now, I know better. I’m not a failure, i’m just neurodivergent. And i’m awesome just the way I am.
Literary Stoner 
…my oldest son was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago, and Fidget toys / spinners helped him concentrate as well. It’s like they slow him down a little, and give him a chance to see what he’s supposed to be seeing.
Knowledge is definitely power… I was nineteen when I was first diagnosed and I was so happy to have a Reason for my behaviour, that I told everyone I knew. I had no idea what manic depression / bipolar was, and neither did they, but damn if I wasn’t ecstatic to have something I could point to and say “see? I’m not crazy, I’m just crazy!”.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for sharing your story, I’m sorry you’ve had so much tragedy, it sounds like you’re finding your feet tho. I found out that im Autistic 3 months ago and have never thought about using these fidget toys… maybe I should give them a go. Thanks again, I look forward to reading your future posts
LikeLiked by 1 person