I am a nonbinary trans guy. I have to say that to explain all this. I didn’t realize i’m trans (in large part because I didn’t have the words and was also already queer and disabled I felt like too much already, even before learning i’m autistic as well) until I was 30. So until 30 I just assumed I couldn’t “girl” properly, which makes no sense whatsoever.
So when I realized I was very attracted to girls at 13, I knew then that i’m bisexual. I’m still bisexual, that hasn’t changed. I was also raised though to believe queerness is a sin so I tried for years to “pray the gay part of me away”. And of course me and my big mouth did say to my parents “I think i’m bi” right away because I didn’t think first. Mom cried, which broke my heart. I forget what my stepparents said. My dad said “it’s a phase” and of course a sin. I shut up about it and just silently prayed to be straight, for years, while reading the bible.
Also, i’m pagan now but that’s not the point of this post. I don’t care what religion someone is as long as they don’t use their beliefs to hurt others or try to shove their beliefs down others throats. That’s it.
I’ve only been with cis guys. I’m mostly attracted to women. Now that I know about nonbinary yes i’m also attracted to nonbinary people (and as mentioned, am one myself). I can be attracted to all genders. Could I call myself pansexual? Apparently, but I have my reasons for being comfortable with bisexual. Read the bisexual manifesto from the 90s, it was NEVER trans-exclusionary. Also if you say (this is only specific people) “I say pansexual because I am attracted to trans men and trans women too” THAT is transphobic because when a bisexual person says they are attracted to men and women, trans people are by default included in that as trans men are men and trans women are women, if you feel the need to separate them, the problem is with your internalized transphobia and not actually seeing trans men as men and trans women as women.
A part of me wishes I could leave it there but I must say, I know it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. We all have internalized crap or don’t know things. It’s just feeling the need to say “I’m attracted to men, women and trans men and trans women” just … it’s awful. I don’t know how else to say it. That’s implying trans men and trans women aren’t really men and women. You see the problem? I’ll get to nonbinary people in the next paragraph. (quick side note: You can’t help who you are or are not attracted to. I am NOT saying you have to be attracted to trans people. That is not what i’m saying. Before people put words in my mouth…)
Are there transphobic bi people? Of course there are. Again, that’s specific people. I have nothing against pansexual people or the label. We’re all different and that’s beautiful. My issue is with certain people not the label. I’m just comfortable with bisexual and am stubborn and want to break the stigmas surrounding bisexuality. It’s not transphobic. It can include all genders (a definition of bisexuality: Attracted to 2 or more genders). There, ya got your 2 and it can include all. Again, bisexual manifesto, 90s, look it up if you want. It even says “don’t assume there are only 2 genders”.
Back to my journey with it. Because religion I had shame about being bisexual for years. Eventually I did break that shame, but it took awhile. I married a cis man in 2014. He died last year in 2021 but we had been together since 2010. He was a wonderful man and I loved him and always will have a place for him in my heart. When I came out as trans and discussed it all with him he was completely accepting.
Now, i’m a single widow. I’m only 33, so who knows what might happen with the rest of my life. If I find love again, who knows what the gender or sex of the person might be. As long as we work together and are happy, that’s all I care about.
I did mention I am mostly attracted to women, but also sometimes to men and sometimes to nonbinary people. Something funny I guess is once I accepted i’m bisexual and had pride a part of me was like “well at least i’m closer to gay than straight” even though that’s not how that works and bisexuality is it’s own thing. I still find this kinda funny though, feel free to laugh if you do to. Now? Me realizing i’m trans has kinda flipped that on it’s head and made me go “oh … crap … but i’m still bi!!” 😂And it’s true. I am still bisexual.